Domestic Violence Laws Reflect Changing Attitudes

“I allowed it; I stayed and I tolerated it,” Howerton said. “You have to come to a point where you say, ‘I will not allow you to do that to me anymore.’ It’s hard because you fear the unknown more than you fear the familiar.”

Howerton is a survivor: Married in 1975 at age 16, she divorced her abusive first husband in 1984 and, after he convinced her he’d changed, remarried him in 1985. They divorced a second time in 2002.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says on average, nearly 20 Americans per minute are physically abused by their “intimate partner.” NCADV says that works out to more than 10 million women and men every year.

The numbers vary, but a study by the ViolencePolicyCenter claims in 2013 more than 1,600 women were murdered by the man in their lives. And according to the West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, there were 103 domestic violence-related deaths in the state from 2003-2005 and 25 from October 2015 through September 2016. In some cases, the homicide victim is a friend, family member or significant other trying to protect a victim of abuse. And sometimes, it’s police using lethal force to neutralize the threat to the abuse victim or themselves.

“Abusers typically have a difference face in public than they do in private,” said Patricia Bailey, director of the Women’s Resource Center in Beckley. “There’s a reason for that. They don’t go to work and beat the crap out of someone there every day; they don’t go to restaurants and beat the crap out of a waitress who spills coffee. They don’t do that because they know it’s against the law and there would be consequences. But at home, they’re a different person. Within those four walls they feel like they can do it.”

‘Power and Control’

Domestic violence, Bailey said, isn’t about anger, drugs or alcohol, although each of those exacerbates the situation.

“It’s about power and control,” she said. “They have to have complete power and control over that person. The people who come here, they may have been told, ‘You’re fat, you’re stupid, you’re a terrible wife or you’re a terrible mother.’ If you’ve been told that every day, day after day and year after year, that’s who you become. It’s a huge struggle for them.”

Howerton remembers the first time her husband abused her: It was a week into their marriage, and they were seated at the kitchen table in their new apartment.

“He was upset about something; he was berating me,” she said. “I was eating an ice cream bar, so I was looking at it and wasn’t looking him in the eye. He took my ice cream and wiped it down my face and neck and said, ‘How do you like it now?’ It was very demeaning. I was 5’4”, he was 6’4”, a big guy. I jumped up to get away and ran into the bathroom — he followed me and pushed me against the wall and held his right hand like he was going to hit me. He didn’t, but he put the fear in me. He apologized later and said he’d never hurt me, but I’d just made him so mad.”

But the abuse didn’t end there. Over the next few years she said he’d slap her with his open palm, push her down on the floor, sometimes kicking her. Later, near the end of their marriage, he became depressed and would threaten to harm himself.

“When I was younger we would go periods of time where he wouldn’t hit me and I wasn’t sure if I was abused,” she said. “I just knew I was married to a volatile, complicated man.”

All those behaviors — the hitting and punching, the derision, intimidation, threats of suicide — are what abusers use to control their victims.

“When we name it ‘abuse’ as a society, it helps victims identify what they’re going through,” said Joyce Yedlosky, team coordinator for WVCADV. “But it’s not just for the victims we’re trying to help. It names it for the abusers; it tells them those behaviors are abusive.”

Looking for Indicators

Yedlosky says domestic violence-related death rates do appear to have decreased in the past couple of years. That could have something to do with a statewide initiative to teach anyone who comes in contact with victims of domestic violence — including police, magistrates, prosecutors, lawyers, the volunteer community — to look for warning signs that the individual’s life is in danger.

The answers to those kinds of questions determine the victim’s “level of lethality; it’s how we figure out how much danger they’re in,” Bailey said.

“A high percentage of people are stalked and killed when they leave (their abuser),” Bailey said. “Why are they more dangerous at that point? It’s because when a victim finally makes a decision to leave (their abuser), the abuser’s power and control has been lost. When they lose that power and control, they’ve got nothing else to lose.”

Yedlosky points out the law has changed with the public’s perception of domestic abuse: Police now can step in and file charges, even if the victim won’t. And last year the Legislature created a new crime of strangulation, so if abusers choke their partners, they now can be charged with a felony.

“Domestic violence can be a very lethal crime,” she added. “Way back when, a victim had to file a warrant to get (their abuser) charged. It’s progressed from there to where it’s not just a misdemeanor charge — when there’s a high level of violence, it’s a higher-level charge. It’s certainly warranted when there are indicators of violence in the relationship.”

Yedlosky said they’d like to see the definition of domestic battery “tweaked” to reflect changing values, as well as the creation of a financial exploitation order to provide a civil remedy, so a victim of domestic violence can go to a magistrate “and seek protection from financial assets being exploited” as they go forward.

Choices

According to NCADV, 20 people on average are physically abused by a partner every minute of every day — that works out to more than 10 million people annually. On any given day, NCADV says domestic violence hotlines across the U.S. log about 21,000 calls.

In West Virginia, Yedlosky said a total of 14,901 people sought help from one of the state’s 14 licensed domestic violence programs in 2016, though that number could include overlap — victims who sought help on more than one occasion. The help they get could include everything from temporary shelter and counseling to legal advocacy, talking to a trained victim advocate or community education initiatives. There are even programs aimed at helping batterers change, though last year Pam Gillenwater, program director for YWCA Resolve Family Abuse Program in Charleston, said about 200 men signed up and only 54 completed Resolve’s program.

Yedlosky said victims of domestic violence are never pressured to leave their abusers.

“We’re not here to tell them what they should do,” Bailey added. “We don’t have that right. But if they tell us what they may have in mind for the future, we can tell them what their options are. Once we’ve laid the options out for them, they make the choice that’s best for them.”

Bailey said outsiders tend to have big expectations for victims of domestic abuse, “but sometimes the challenges they face are huge, too.” Bailey said 85 percent of homicides occur when victims leave their abusers.

“When they leave an abusive relationship, that’s when they’re in the most danger so they need to be really, really careful,” she said. “They have to have a safety plan.

“There are times when you know you’ve done all you can do, that you’ve given them tools to keep themselves safe but if they stay in that relationship, at some point in time they can be killed,” Bailey added. “Sometimes they are. That is the absolute worst; it can’t get any worse than that.”

Yedlosky said there’s no doubting domestic violence is still a problem.

“We have had great successes, particularly since the Violence Against Women Act first passed in 1994,” she said. “Those successes include greater awareness of what domestic violence is, services available for victims and collaborations across systems to coordinate effective responses. We are reducing deaths due to domestic violence and defining for our youth red flags for abuse and how to achieve healthy relationships.

“But I am still worried for those who are still trapped and fear the wrath of their abusers if they attempt to seek safety. Particularly our most marginalized communities — people of color, victims who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, people with disabilities, people with limited English proficiency, and our most rural and impoverished communities with limited resources.”